Getting Past No

19 Pages 4663 Words

action, the next step is to buy ourselves time to think-time to go to the balcony. Use the time to keep our eyes on the prize-an agreement that satisfies your interests, certainly better than our BATNA can. Instead of getting mad or getting even, concentrate on getting what we want. This is what going to the balcony is all about. (2) STEP TWO: Disarm Them Step To Their Side Before we can discuss the problem with the opponent, we need to disarm him. The secret of disarming is surprise. To disarm our opponent, we need to do the opposite of what he expects: step to his side, listen to him, acknowledge his point, and agree wherever we can. Listening requires patience and self- discipline. Instead of reacting immediately or plotting our next step, we have to remain focused on what our counterpart is saying. Listening gives us a chance to engage him in a cooperative task-that of understanding his problem. It makes him more willing to listen to us. After listening to our opponent, the next step is to acknowledge his point. Acknowledging the opponent's point does not mean that we agree with it. It means that we accept it as one valid point of view among others. The next step is to agree wherever we can. It is hard to attack someone who agrees with us. (3) STEP THREE: Don't Reject Reframe Instead of rejecting our opponent's position, we need to direct his attention to the problem of meeting each side's interests. Reframing works because every message is subject to interpretation. It means putting a problem-solving frame around our opponent's positional statements. A problem-solving question focuses attention on the interests of each side, the options for satisfying them, and the standards of fairness for resolving differences. Rather than trying to teach him ourselves, let the problem be his teacher. (4) STEP FOUR: Make It Easy To Say Yes Build Them A Golden Bridge At last we are ready to negotiate; however, our opponent may stall. Instead...