Matchpaper

2 Pages 509 Words

Matches: Made by an Illegal Alien Getting Paid a Dollar an Hour to Support His Family of 6
To a non-earth inhabitant, one might thinks it was a simple noisemaker. But upon closer inspection you would find that the puzzle like box opens and contains a very flammable material. The red coloration of the box might bring them to this conclusion or they may discover you can strike these sticks on the side and they combust. However I know it’s a box of matches, I know how the box opens and I know how to light them. The irony of the box is we humans store our flammable materials in flammable materials. Any Alien might think that funny, however and illegal alien probably wouldn’t care. All he cares about is making these match boxes so he can get his pay check and take care of his family. He might think its funny that the box says made in America, when in fact he knows the cardboard that they use to make the box is actually from China, the ink from Indonesia, and the matches from Mexico. It would make more sense to him if the box was in Spanish and read assembled in America, or said globally produced.
I would also like to point out the fact that the company that makes these boxes, Diamond Brands Incorporated clearly wasn’t thinking when they made the match striking design on the side. Diamond used a hexagon pattern when it would have made a little more sense for them to use a “Diamond” pattern.
Are Americans really so stupid that they actually have to print, KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN, or is Diamond Brand Incorporated so worried that they will get sued if some small child gets a hold of these and sets his parents house on fire. If I was an outsider and had observed just how much Americans in particular love to sue any one or any company just because they were to stupid to put the matched in the cabinet where their kid couldn’t reach them, then I’d be pretty surprised. Well, what about 32 count printed on the front o...