Differences In Gender Communication

9 Pages 2371 Words

e the title of the lower status. (Dilullo, 2004, p.2-3) As a married woman, author Deborah Tannen has observed her husband’s actions as well as his reactions to her own. In light of this Tannen has found that they both react in different ways to different situations not because they are different people, but because they are of the opposite sex. An instance Tannen Mentioned occurred while she and her husband were both traveling a lot because they had jobs in separate cities. People would frequently make references that would receive dissimilar remarks. Friends would talk about how hard it must be for them to be far apart all the time and how could they handle it. Mrs. Tannen was sympathetic to their remarks and would acknowledge their concern by lightening up the situation and saying the ways that they actually make it work. However, Mr. Tannen would become annoyed and try to explain the many advantages that their situation entailed (Tannen, 1990, p.24).

I now see that my husband was simply engaging the world in a way that many men do: as an individual in a hierarchical social order in which he was either one-up or one down. In this world, conversations are negotiations in which people try to achieve and maintain the upper hand if they can, and protect themselves from others’ attempts to put them down and push them around. Life then, is a contest, a struggle to preserve independence and avoid failure. (Tannen, 1990, p.24-25)

His reaction to the situation surprised Mrs. Tannen, and her husband explained that he viewed it as if a condescending tone was being placed upon him, and that it was as if the people were saying, “Yours is not a real marriage; if you ill-chosen profession has resulted in an unfortunate arrangement. I pity you, and look down at you from the height of complacence, since my wife and I have avoided your misfortune” (Tannen, 1990, p.24).
Mrs. Tannen explains her approach as a response and reactio...